1.Have It
If you want my love
If you really do
If you want my love
If you really do
Have it have it
I want you to
And if you want my soul
If it's really true
Have it have it
Please do
No need to swear
How much you care
If you just couldn't care less
I hate when saying what we mean
When what we mean is the opposite
Don't ask me why if it weren't for my
Lack of confidence i would grow
Your are not the first girl in my life
But the first to let my feelings show
And if you want my love
If you really do
Have it have it
I want you to
Please do
No need to swear
How much you care
If you just couldn't care less
I hate when saying what we mean
When what we mean are opposites
Don't ask me why if i weren't so shy
I don't think i'd hesi - hesitate
Your are not the first girl in my life
But the first to make me feel this way
And if you want my love
If you really do
Have it have it have it have it
If you want my love
Baby have it
Please do
2.A Sight For Sore Eyes
Some stupid guy with his head in the clouds
Thinks the world is a wondrous place
Next thing you know as he's looking around
Plane hits him in the face
A sight for sore eyes are couples who think
Marriage is not for them
They want their children to know their dad
Is only their partner's friend
I'm going backwards the way i came in
Going forward the same way out
I've got some blue chips to go with my fish
Which is still swimming round about
The sight of a pedophile being abused
A stalker being followed home
Who wouldn't give their right arm to see
A scientist being cloned
What do you do when your think you're in love
And she tells you you must be sure
How do you manage to get out of that
When you know that her heart is pure
On the wings of a dove fight has broken out
Someone flew in a rage hurling drinks about
I'm gonna love you as long as i can
For as long as we both agree
I'm gonna leave you the rest of my life
Along with some jewelry
A sight for sore eyes are couples who think
There's no need for men
If they want a child they just go to a lab
Get it artificially insemmed
Some stupid guy has his arm in a lock
And he can't seem to find the key
Someone should tell him it's probably where
The key to his heart would be
And i'll cry like a big girl
And i'll kick like an ass
Who needs 18／30
50 plus is a gas
I'm gonna love you as long as i can
For as long as we both shall live
I'm going to leave you the rest of my life
For as long as it's mine to give
As long as it's mine to give
3.Where The Hell Have You Been
You know my inside pockets
Got my outside twin
So badly indisposed
I think i'll dust my bin
And all the while you're making eyes at me
You could be doing something useful
Like climbing up a tree
Who knows there may be something lurking
Like a koala bear
All the way from down under
But don't ask me where
And on the subject of australia
Did you know some wives
Don't mind when their husbands
Get home at night
Know what i mean
Every time i get home late
My wife says where the hell have you been
Oh helen do be careful lying in the sun
Don't mind what you take off
Long as you've something on
And all the while
You give the neighbors a thrill
You could be doing something useful
Like climbing up a hill
Okay so hills do not agree with you
Then try one that's flat
Surely there's no better way
That's better than that
And on the subject of alternatives
Did you know some guys
Don't mind when their girlfriends
Get home at night
Oh what a dream
If i'm just a minute late
My wife says where the hell have you been
And all the while you're making eyes i see
You could be doing something useful
Like climbing over me
Now then there's nothing to be frightened of
I won't let you fall
Dare i say it i just hope
That you'll be enthralled
And on the subject of enthrallment
Do you know some wives
Don't mind when their husbands
Come home at night
Know what i mean
Every time i get home late
Mine says where the hell have you been
4.Me
(randy newman karl marks the spot where tom waits before the
war)
Oh why do people look at me
As though i were a freak
Oh can they see that what they e looking at is quite unique
In fact i go as far as saying i something of a gem
Whose qualities do not expire they simply overwhelm
If i believe the half of what most analysts now claim
Then photos of me must be put into a zimmer frame
You can make music at your age
It simply isn done
Well balls to those who take that view
Especially if they e young
Me i believe a child that misbehaves
And answers back
Would benefit for what it did
By being given a smack
(why do people, why do people, why do people)
I happy being middle-aged
Where confidence is full
When growing up my sister doll
Was all that i could pull
Your eyes are blue
Your eyes are green
What difference does it make？
As long as you've no more than two
And only one a fake
(why do people)
Ie never felt the urge to burn the candle at both ends
The logic of it does indeed make very little sense
Imagine trying to place it somewhere
After it been lit
With flames above it and below
There nowhere it would fit
Let alone a candlestick
Let alone a candlestick
5.Say Goodbye
Say goodbye say good morning
Say good evening and good noon
Say hello tell me how you're feeling
Very well thanks and how are you
Say you did say you didn't
Say it's someone else instead
Say it's me would i be forgiven
Or is it something that i said
In spite of fears over what charges are proposed
In spite of tears over what secrets are disclosed
In spite of ears i have never heard you once complain
Sayonara konbanwa
Ohayo-gozaimasu kon-nichiwa
Kon-nichiwa gokigen-ikaga-desuka
Genki-desu arigato anatawa-ikaga-desuka
In spite of fears over inflation going up
In spite of tears over the breaking of a cup
In spite of years seems like it was only days ago
Say it is say it isn't
Say it's someone else instead
Say it's good when you don't like fishing
You just knock it on the heed
You just knock it on the heed
Say goodbye say good morning
Say good evening and good noon
Say hello tell me how you're feeling
Very well thanks and how are you
In spite of fears over a lack of crowd control
In spite tears over a bag that someone stole
In spite of years i have never seen you look so well
Sayonara konbanwa
Ohayo-gozaimasu kon-nichiwa
Kon-nichiwa gokigen-ikaga-desuka
Genki-desu arigato anatawa-ikaga-desuka
6.Don't I Know It
Don't i know it don't i know it
Don't i know it
How you don't love me girl
Don't i know it don't i know it
Don't i know it
How you don't want me girl
I was wrong to have took for granted
All the love you have given me
Should have tried even that bit harder
Now i'm made to suffer and as you can see
Don't i know it don't i know it
Don't i know it
How you don't want me girl
Don't i know it don't i know it
Don't i know it
How you don't love me girl
Like to think that it doesn't matter
Love to feel that i just don't care
But the truth after all that's happened
I can't live without you and when you're not there
Don't i know it
Don't i know it don't i know it
Don't i know it
You could say that i had my chances
And that i let them slip away
You could argue it's not all my fault
Still i got it wrong and at the end of the day
Don't i know it don't i know it
Don't i know it
Don't i know it don't i know it
Don't i know it
7.How I Say That I Love You
You know i love you what more can i say
Although the words themselves are not my way
For me a kiss that lasts a minute or two
Is how i say that i love you
The tea and toast i bring us up in bed
The pleasure i get when you stroke my head
That i can be there when you use the loo
Is how i say that i love you
And in the end what have we got
If not ourselves then not a lot
My friends they meet a girl and right away
The words i love you are all they can say
That i send flowers with the words guess who
Is how i say that i love you
If meningitis can so easily kill
Surely there are flaws
We're spending millions modifying our food
Could that not be a cause
You know i love you in a special way
Although the words themselves i rarely say
For me it's more than just the things we do
Is how i say that i love you
I found this photo from a few years back
Taken out in spain
Your hair was longer
But apart from that
You look just the same
You know i love you in my own sweet way
Although the words themselves i rarely say
That i wear most of what you tell me to
Is how i say that i love you
Is how i say that i love you
8.Passport Photos
I really love you baby
When i need a laugh
I check out passport photos
They're what give me that
Look at yours and your friends
See if you agree
Passport photos always
Do the biz for me
Show me one that you've got
You'd like to see enlarged
Show me one that doesn't
Look like your being charged
Smile of course you mustn't
That's the only rule
Irony of course is
You just look a fool
Sideburns down to your chin
Hair all long and straight
No doubt when you took it
You thought you looked great
Ain't nobody living
That's ever had one that
Ever did them justice
That just isn't a gaffe
For the life of me i don't
Understand why in spain
When it rains at an airport
Mainly wet is the plane
I really love you baby
When i need a laugh
I check out passport photos
They're what give me that
Go through immigration
Waiting next in line
A man there can't believe it
When he looks at mine
Show me one that you've got
You'd like to see enlarged
Show me one that doesn't
Look like your being charged
Here's looking at you kid
Looking like you're from the twilight zone
I really love your body
When i need a laugh
I check out passport photos
They're what give me that
They're what give me that
9.Water Music
Let the water music
Take you to the brim
Let the water music
Take you for a swim
Let the water music
Teach you to roll
Let the water music
Soothe your soul
Let the rhythm of it
Wash you away
Let the vision of it
Be of a bay
Let the crowd around you
Sink down a hole
Let the water music
Soothe your soul
Water music is the essence of life
Jump into it and it opens up wide
Off your shoulder
It can carry the weight
Water music is great
Let the water music
Fill you to the brim
Let the water music
Hold your breath in
Let the running of it
Gently cajole
Let the water music
Soothe your soul
Water music is the essence of life
It can rid you of all trouble and strife
Jump into it as it opens its gate
Water music is great
Let the water music
Fill you to the brim
Let the water music
Take you for a swim
Let the water music
Get you to roll
Let the water music
Soothe your soul
Let the water music
Soothe your soul
Let the water music soothe your soul
Water music is the essence of life
Jump into it and it opens up wide
Off your shoulder
It can carry the weight
Water music is great
Let the water music
Take you to the brim
Let the water music
Take you for a swim
Let the water music
Get you to roll
Let the water music
Soothe your soul
Let the water music
Soothe your soul
10.Fine By Me
I'm tired of beating round bushes
That don't exist
I'm sick to death of being dropped
At the flick of a wrist
I'd like my batteries charged
And the charge of course to be cheap
And if you want to make love
In the back of a van
With a rabbit's foot on your knee
It's fine by me
You know i hate to be boring
But what's the point
Calling a little bit of weed
You smoke a joint
I mean the only joint i know
Worth it's salt is beef
If there's a key to my heart
And there's only one
But you think there should be three
It's fine by me
It's fine by me
And i need a woman now
Like some men need a man
Spend a lot of my money
In and out of banks
You see a teller you like
And you tell her thanks
You have a nice disposition
Disposition is clear
If there's a mark on your dress
And you take it off
Just so i can see
It's fine by me
It's fine by me
Fine by me
I have a sneaking suspicion
You're on my tail
And if that's where you want to be
It's fine by me
It's fine by me
And i need a woman now
Like some men need a wife
You get a lot of ideas
Looking at a soap
I get a lot of mine too
If it's on a rope
I like to twist it and twirl it
Wind it around my feet
If you think god is a woman
And there's no doubt
That's what you want him to be
It's fine by me
It's fine by me
11.Two's Company(Three Is Allowed)
Sellotape is sticky
Now there's a surprise
Next they'll tell you you can see out of your eyes
Mummified mummies daddies little girl
Had the operation then became an earl
Once you would have kissed her gently on the cheek
Now she kisses you beginning with your feet
Roles that are reversing so misunderstood
Kids who think monogamy is a piece of wood
Ooh but two's company three is allowed
Two's company three is allowed
Two's company three is allowed
These days as a woman you are out of place
If you're not a lesbian whose friends are gays
Anything is normal normal is of course
Getting married after planning your divorce
Usually i don't go much at all on twins
Once you've seen the one you've seen them both i think
Mind you when they're pretty pretty as a peach
Whose to say that on the day with one of each
Ooh two's company three is allowed
Two's company three is allowed
Two's company three is allowed
I look like i wanna look i wear what i like
It won't be a suit and no it won't be a tie
A tie is a dead heat not a knot round your neck
Neck is what you do when
Alone with your girlfriend
Ooh but two's company three is allowed
Two's company three is allowed
Two's company three is allowed
12.Love Being Faxed By You
Oh what a feeling when you're up all night
Get home to see that in the morning light
Whether it's cold out there's no doubt
Love being taxed by you
Looks like a piece of junk till it gets turned on
So good at getting to anywhere you want
Even if one time it's one line
Love being faxed by you
I despise the telephone when it goes and i am home
I just say i'm out
Anyone whose mobile rings on a train that i am in
I just scream and shout
Let there be no doubt
Give their ears a clout
Night time's the right time in the u.s.a.
There only starting up as you end your day
Whether it's new york an old cork
Love being faxed by you
I despise the telephone when it goes and i am home
I pretend i'm out
Anyone whose mobile rings on a train i'm sitting in
I just scream and shout
Let there be no doubt
Give their ears a clout
Oh for the fun of it when you're on your own
Oh for the joy it gives as you head for home
Maybe i'm crazy but lately
Love being taxed by you
After a hard day i must say
Love being faxed by you
And i don't know what i'd do now without it
And i don't know how without i'd live
Would that i did
And i don't care if it runs out of paper
I don't mind if at time it's a mess
It's still the best
13.Easier Said Than Done
Easier said than done what does it matter where you lay your hat
Is it your home if it's a laundromat
The point i'm getting at is even if
You think that you can make a go of it
It's easier said than done
It's easier said than done
Easier said than done
Show me that girl that just wants to have some fun
Isn't it wonderful to give up meat
A healthy vegetable is such a treat
I've got this lettuce i'm about to dig
What if it tells me that it wants to live
It's easier said than done
Show me where a leaf out of any book comes from
A summer's day in dead of winter
A new year's ball being headed in
A fleet of cars out on the ocean
Causing a tail-back to the fin
It's easier said than done
It's easier said than done
Easier said than done
Tell me what kind of a fugitive
Is a rabbit on the run
A bed of nails a bed of roses
I know which on i'd rather sleep
You can be sure mixamatosis
Isn't the way you cross your feet
You study hard at college to prepare
For unemployment in the world out there
And while the level you've attained is high
Getting a job for which you qualify
It's easier said than done
It's easier said than done
Easier said than done
Show me that girl that wants some fun
Show me a man giving birth to a son
Show how you get from a to z
With an alphabet in front
It's easier said than done
Easier said than done
14.Me -reprise
You'd never think to look at
You'd never think to look at
That building there is where there
Used to be trees
You'd never think it,would you？
You'd never think it,would you？
That building there is where there
Used to be trees
That building there is where there
That building there is where there
That building there is where there
Used to be fields
You'd never think to look at
You'd never think to look at
That building there is where there
Used to be trees
Used to be trees
| 
